I Love Baseball

I'm sick of the Cardinals (and the Giants as well, truth be told) but dammit, they keep winning. The Cards won their division series earlier and the Nats pitcher just walked in a run in their elimination game against the Giants ... luckily it's only the second inning and the team can recover if he can straighten out and pitch right.
I love baseball and even though my team is out of the playoffs, I can still appreciate a good game.
Soon it will all be over and we will be reduced to watching our team only once a week ... thank goodness the Pats have improved to the level that we aren't fighting angina while we watch. And the Celts won their first pre-season game, Rajon Rondo is reportedly coming back soon, so we may be able to watch them as well.

But my heart is really with the Boys of Spring and Summer ...

Inspiration where you find it

So, I am newly inspired to write by my friend Ed ... he has started a journal and maybe we can cheer each other on to keep it up.

I am thinking that mornings might be the best time for me ... when I am using my light box to avoid the SAD symptoms. It could work out that I can do two things at once ... which always makes me feel more productive. I haven't done much here with my own blog over the years. I think it's mostly because I am not an indoor type of person ... unless it's the dead of winter when I want to just snuggle up and read, sew, create in the kitchen or hibernate in bed.

I have been contemplating a big change in my life ... OUR lives (so far G hasn't protested too much, but we shall see) within the next three years. I believe I need to relocate to a locale on the east coast where there is more sun and a milder winter. Recently I have been checking out the Carolinas for two reasons. One, we can probably afford a home in those areas, even near the coast and two, it seems we could enjoy a longer planting season, which we both love so much. It's such fun to to plant and watch the growth of veggies, flowers and herbs that we would love to branch out into fruits and more. Just thinking about it and dreaming of the potential is a good way to distract me from facing the upcoming winter months.

This year I have my bff's daughter's shower and wedding to look forward to so that is helping as the fall approaches. Now, to plan a mid winter getaway ... next distraction to get me through the tough times.

Dream or Lesson?

I just woke up from a dream and it seems I'm supposed to remember this one. I was sitting somewhere like a porch of a country store or a bus station, talking to two guys. They were young and sort of dream like in their conversation. The one I was most attracted to, Ted, was telling me he bet on hoops (or something like that) and he was drinking a beer and I just liked his way and his smile but for some reason the conversation ended, maybe I had to catch the train or the bus or I just had to be somewhere.

So, as dreams go, I was next at a hospital where the previous director of nursing was there with her daughter who was caring for her as she was supposedly a dottering old woman but actually although she didn't keep very good balance, she was agile and wise and fun. There was a funeral for someone in the community and everyone was so ebulliant about this person I was sorry I never met him or her (can't remember). I know I was going to have an interview at this hospital the next day at 0800 but I realized I just had to find go back and find Ted (the guy I met w/his friend) so I went on my quest.

I got to his house where he lived with his parents and 4 other little kids who delighted in showing me their flying animal toys that attacked you ... but didn't really hurt. His mother was delightful and invited me to play tennis. I kept leaving my pocketbook unattended but I wasn't fearful that someone would take it for some reason. Next I remember going to Ted's friend's house to see if he was there but only the guy's mother was home (although I didn't know because I just walked in and started wandering around) and I used some of her beauty products. Next I remember a huge wedding was occurring at this house and all the particpants were sitting around individual tables during the reception looking at gems and jewelry for sale.

I decided I better get back to my quest to find Ted and left, leaving my pocketbook behind. As I approached Ted's house again, I saw him and he had the most perfect smile when he finally recognized it was me and I was looking for him. We went into his house and even tho' I knew I was blowing off the job interview and had no prospects for the future, I knew I was doing the right thing for me. His parents, altho' disappointed in their drifter son, loved him and so by association, loved me immediately. His dad took me on a tour of the area and when we got back to the house, we passed Ted with a wheeled wagon filled with his most prized possessions including a musical instrument, a huge dog and some other stuff coming down the road to meet me. I suddenly realized I forgot my pocketbook but soon some good samaritan brought it to me and nothing was missing.

I woke up feeling like I had been in a cool, fun indie movie that teaches us there are some people we are just attracted to and it is right to follow that instinct rather than take the safe course because we will see and learn and enjoy along the way. :)

Winter again, yuck!

You'd never know I was one of those perpetually happy people that goes around saying "the weather is the weather, you can't do anything about it" when others complain of rain, snow, heat or cold. When it gets to be this time of year, ugh, I get sluggy and unmotivated. I forced myself to go to tai chi last night even tho' all I wanted to do was snuggle up at home and read my book. SO, what do I do when I feel this way? Just what I did last night, I FORCE myself to move, to create, to think action. It usually works well and I get out of the funk for at least a little bit.

So, today I am forcing myself to write, then I will force myself to get upstairs and finish binding my quilt, finish the placemats I started and make the table runner that will compliment those placemats. This afternoon I will force myself to go to the free brown bag concert at beautiful Mechanics Hall with George and tonight I will force myself to go to the African drumming class at the African Art Museum in Clinton with G as well. We attended their anniversary celebration last week and it was a delightful evening spent viewing the art, listening to the amazing music and sampling the delicious food. I know I will enjoy all of these things once I force myself to step out the door.

It's going to be a long winter when I feel this way already in November without a warm sunny climate vacation in sight - well, not until the girls week in Florida but that's not until far away April :-(.

So, I just have to keep reminding myself I CAN do this, I CAN get through it ... and keep dreaming of Spring and planting and sunshine. I will NOT let this get me down even tho' I keep seeing those dark and shortened months in my head looming ahead like an obstacle to be tackled. I try not to wish away the time but it seems the only way to get through it ... wishing for the best time of year ... oh well, positive thoughts.

Synesthesia and me

Well, to start off ... just before I clicked here to blog I thought I'm going about this writing thing the wrong way. I am thinking of it as a chore to accomplish, even though I WANT to improve my writing, I have been looking at it as something I HAVE TO DO so in my head I think "I don't have time right now because there are other things I have to do more urgently" but really I just need to do what I can, when I can and leave it at that. Now, I don't know why this became clear today but it is a freeing thought!

Even tho' today is gorgeous and we just got back from a wonderful walk on the rail trail, just like the past few days I have been more and more aware of growing uneasiness, even sadness as the summer days' numbers dwindle in my head ... they do actually appear in my head automatically and involuntarily whenever I think of the day or the date. I am one of those people blessed with spatial-sequence synesthesia* so each day of the week, week of the month, month of the year, year of the century actually appears in my brain as a visual object. This also occurs with numbers and letters as well ... they all have a spatial pattern in my head. This phenomenon is actually quite beneficial to my life the majority of the time but I am realizing this year for the first time that since I am unfortunate enough to have SAD (seasonal affective disorder) ... I am more acutely aware of the "closing in" of autumn, then winter because it appears automatically and involuntarily in my mind's eye.

So, what do I do about this? Go back on antidepressants? I just stopped them after 18 months because I thought  I wanted to try living drug free in the summer - my best time of year. But I feel it closing in on me and I want to nip it in the bud. So, I am thinking LOTS of exercise - tai chi, couch to 5k like program, gym with weights and maybe we can swing a winter sunny vacay ... that's kind of a dream this year since I cut down work hours but who knows, we may be able to swing it if we choose carefully.

*From Wikipedia: In spatial-sequence (SSS), or number form synesthesia, numbers, months of the year, and/or days of the week elicit precise locations in space (for example, 1980 may be "farther away" than 1990), or may have a (three-dimensional) view of a year as a map (clockwise or counterclockwise). A new study shows that those with SSS have superior memories. They were able to recall past events and memories far better, and in far greater detail than those without the condition.

So, I guess I kinda lost the motivation to finish this post ... oh well, if at first you don't succeed, we all know what to do about it. 

Writing again

So, my new year's resolution of ACK! 1+ years ago ... to write every day has obviously gone astray.

I don't know why ... I guess life got in the way, but we can all use that excuse. I've not been disciplined about writing, that's all.

So, today I begin a less ambitious goal ... to write as much as I can while still living life. If this venture is successful, I will give credit to Colson Whitehead whose article in the NYTimes on 26 July made me laugh & think "yeah, I can do that". His irreverent descriptions of HOW to do it spoke to me ... I like wacky how to's, they make me think of inventing recipes with whatever's at hand. And I do that so easily, why can't I use that same creative bent to actually put on the screen what's percolating there in my head?

About 9 months  ago we went to a flamenco wine dinner during which I thought "this would make a good story" ... the two young couples seated with us at the table were strangers to us (and each other) & couldn't have been more different from each other in their interaction. A juicy disagreement between the couple just to my left was audible to many (including during the flamenco performance, which visibly did not sit well with the dancer) and I had all I could do to keep from saying (to the woman with the loser bf) "just dump the schmuck". The other patrons were equally interesting in a "I could describe their lives & how they got here tonight" sort of way. The flamenco dancer, from her Boston accent, to her mesmerizing performance, to her lofty ambitions was a story waiting to be written. Then there was the food ... oh how I wish I kept that list to somehow weave it into the telling of the night's happenings. I even wrote some notes (at my boyfriend's insistence) because I somehow got it into my head that I WOULD start writing. I found the notes sometime later & although I think I saved them somewhere (?!?) they could have been tossed out in one of my "I'm not keeping every little scrap of paper thinking I am going to do something with it" moods.
My bf writes and although I encourage him to put more detail in his stories, I think my problem is I want to put TOO much detail in ... it's what I do when I tell a verbal story, relate a recipe to others or even just think through an idea in my head. I feel like my brain is too full of details! So when Colson Whitehead said: "Rule No. 4: Never use three words when one will do. Be concise. Don’t fall in love with the gentle trilling of your mellifluous sentences." I thought yep, that's me! And ya know what? It's probably what STOPS me from writing ... and other noble pursuits. Because it seems too much effort to write down everything I think about ... it's part of why I LOVE this new website I found. It's called "key ingredient" and it has a cookmark which is a tool that allows you to copy & save recipes from the web, putting them in recipe format. So you can have a whole cookbook online that's in easy readable format, you can even add pics. It's so darn cool for us recipe-philes.


Ok, so we are going to go to the Maine coast this week ... I have a few days off & while there are a few items on the list to see, we are going to wing it mostly. LLBean is one, Old Orchard Beach is another & we are going to visit my bf's best friend somewhere along the line before ending up at a pow wow in North Conway. Geesh, pow wow's certainly give me lots of images & story lines. I always end up leaving them peaceful & with a sense that we rarely know people until we talk to them. Mostly b/c the outfits you see at the pow wow give you an impression of a person that doesn't necessarily give the whole picture of the person. It's hard to describe ... it's as if they have a public persona there in that arena which carries into their life outside a pow wow but you wouldn't know it if you passed them on the street. Truth be told, that is part of what intrigues me about people in general ... you cannot tell much about a person by just looking at them. One never knows what people are dealing with, have dealt with, what they have weighing on them at any given moment which causes them to do or say what they do, it's very interesting to me.


Ok, enough babbling for today ... this stream of consciousness just reminded me of the story my bff & I planned to write. We actually began an outline toward that end over 4 years ago. It all started with a dead body. But that's a story for another day. I'll do what Colson Whitehead suggested "Try to keep all the good stuff off the page. "

I guess I've been too busy ...

Four days since my last post ... hmmm, trying to remember what all transpired.
Ok, on Saturday the 8th we went to tai chi in the morning and it was great workout. Our teacher informed us that we are studying some advanced level stuff now so it's about time we tested for the beginner level - ACK! The pressure of a written and demonstration test ... some of these concepts are hard for our western brains to wrap around but we will do our best. The off to the library where I searched for the author of "the first detective novel" that we heard about on NPR during our drive to tai chi ... I can't believe I still remember his name, Charles Felix - which was a pseudonom for Charles Warren Adams. Looking online it appears the book is not in print anymore but wiki has links to read it in its original (serial) form. I may just try that. Watched football most of afternoon and evening to see who would be the Pats opponent next week and it's the loathsome Jets - oh well, hopefully we have their number and can dispense with them soundly.

Sunday I went shopping, bought mom a beautiful outfit for her bday and together we finished the sewing room table including the contact paper, touch up painting and cleanup. We watched some of both of the football games and I made my mom's chicken pot pie recipe - it was delish, like being transported back to childhood.

Monday we decided to do a Powerflex workout at the gym which is 45 minutes of straight exercise using all major muscles of the body ... ugh, it was a toughie! Then we went sewing machine shopping and my love bought me the most wonderful machine to start my quilting career. It's a Janome w/50 stitches and all the options are dancing in my head! We talked about my first project and he had an outstanding idea to make roman shades for the living room. I went online and found several tutorials ... going to make 'em and I know we'll be happy when the LR looks more cozy. We had a HUGE meal at IHop that filled us up most of the day. Leftover chicken pot pie for supper and the BCS championship - we only watched a little of that, too tired to stay up.

Tuesday morning all the talk on tv and radio is about the pending storm which is supposed to start late night. I drove to mum's and we went for our traditional free (for the bday girl) birthday lunch at Not Your Average Joes ... as usual it was superb. I had their famously tasty meatloaf and mum had the salmon. And of course we had the Peanut Butter Thing for free dessert ... I brought my leftovers back home for my honey. Went back to her house where she opened presents and we shared our thoughts on the Gee's Bend quilt book. Drove home later and stopped at craft store and Staples to get the last of the supplies needed to start sewing ... got a drafting chair that my darling put together and it will work PERFECT. Later, when I got home I realized I forgot to buy thread, DUH!

Now, it's Wednesday morning and by 8:30 we have a foot and a half of light fluffy (thank goodness) snow. I made pumpkin/coconut/walnut muffins and bread first thing ... came out pretty good. We shoveled a bunch but decided to wait until later to finish ... it's a LOTTA snow!

Now, this morning it's

Another productive day

First thing this morning went to get blood drawn, first in the quest to get a diagnosis for my anxiety/depression symptoms, picked up the new meds at the drugstore, then spent the rest of the morning trying to get appts for MRI and EEG ... after talking to my insurance company, found out that the doc has to start the process as at least one of the diagnostic studies needs pre-authorization, so I called them and put it in their hopefully capable hands. Little stressful b/c I need to get the appts asap and I don't know that they will prioritize that, but nothing I can do about it.

Then I primed the cabinet that will hold supplies in the sewing room ... continued reading my book for a while and then took a nap. When we woke up, had the mac & cheese, then took a walk and it was so cold my ears hurt, but it was good exercise. Met our neighbor on our walk and realized he plows during the snowstorms so we asked him to plow us out instead of the company we have had the past few years ... rather put $ in a neighbor's pocket, especially such a nice guy w/a young family to feed.

Then back to paint the cabinet, part yellow, part coral, I like it! Heard from Bec of Bec & Juano today, she's looking for a job & wants a reference. Also got a card from one of the nurses at work, so nice for someone to just drop a note to say they are missing me. Friends from FB have been SO supportive and that really helps on the road to recovery. Then, took my brined chicken out of the fridge and it's in the oven roasting now along w/homemade stuffing, smells good! I didn't take the wheat bread out to rise early enough so I'll cook that later and we can have some for breakfast. Tonight we'll probably watch some of Pillars of the Earth and the Celts game and I will try out the new sleeping pill and hopefully get some sleep, yeah!

Productive day

Well, started my day w/psychiatrist evaluation of my anxiety/depressive symptoms and it went well. I liked her, the intake was thorough and her validation that my embarrassment/fear regarding work readiness was a relief. Bottom line is there is more evaluation to come via MRI, labs, EEG and neuro exam, all hopefully can be accomplished in the next two weeks while I am still off work. Then a visit to work to explain the prolonged time off was also a big weight off my shoulders. Their support and concern was of great comfort.

Then I brined a chicken ... bit of a process but hopefully the results will be worth it. Once I realized that it would need to sit in the brine for 4 hours, then dry in the fridge overnight, decided to make mac and cheese for dinner and try out the new stove's automatic oven option. So, I made it, put it in refrig and off to the gym for a good cardio, tai chi workout, then home to do some more cleaning up of the guest/sewing room. Helped G cut the wood for the sewing table, took the Christmas lights down & put away, finished the second coat of paint on the wall, organized some storage and filled 2 bags of clothes and accessories for Salvation Army donation. Then we went to W. African drumming class which was fun! Home to find that mac and cheese came out like soup ... UGH! Either the recipe time/ingredients were wrong or I didn't set the timer correctly. G ate 2 bowls anyway, lol! I put it back in for 15 mins and it looks yummy now ... maybe it's breakfast today?!

Off to get labs drawn ... more cleanup today and calls for appts.

Another good day

Got up early, read some of my book "The Double" by Jose Saramago ... VERY different writing style, a bit challenging and confusing at times but I like the story so I am sticking with it.
Went to the gym, worked out chest and did a little tai chi. Came home and did a little more painting on the sewing room. G painted one of the shelves and it's going to look great, I just know it.
Went to visit my gf , brought her lunch and a present for her NYE birthday ... also sent a present to her husband who just had surgery. Came home tired, slept for 2.5 hours and missed tonight's tai chi class.
Watched Pillars of the Earth for a while, good story, differs a bit from the book, but still pretty true to the themes in the book. Celts won, barely against the only team w/a better record than theirs, Rondo is the MAN!
Oh geez, just realized I forgot to call my "twin" brother for his birthday ... he's the same age as me until my birthday in less than a month.

Sewing Room Inspiration

Started the day at the gym again, did a mile on the elliptical machine, then some back muscle machines and a little tai chi, qi gong, good workout.

More research on quilting online, chatted up some friends and off to the library where I found THE most inspirational quilt book; it's a masterpiece, actually. "The Quilts of Gee's Bend" is large, coffee book sized and has the story of a community of women from Gee's Bend in Alabama who made the most amazing quilts - there are pictures of the community, stories and the quilts they have made from the beginning of the twentieth century to present day. I have always been attracted to the rustic quilts and these are incredible examples of stunning work done "freestyle".

Upstairs to finish the first coat of "Early Morning Sun" yellow paint on the wall and we took a trip to Home Depot to find the wood needed to complete the sewing/quilting table. Still LOTS to clean out of the room, but it's starting to take on a personality of a bright, inspiring work space. I am psyched! Guess I better try out the sewing machine before I go much further ... it's been years since I used it and it may need some work. Oh, and I got some fabric in the mail ... I believe it will go well with the other pieces I have already gathered and after reading some about the Gee's Bend ladies, I am more confident that whatever I put together can be a unique expression of me.

Going to watch some of the Pillars of the Earth dvd I got for Christmas ... just finished the book and I am so looking forward to seeing how it looks onscreen in the mini series.

Another beautiful day in the neighborhood ...

Thinking about Quilting

Years ago my interest in quilting was piqued ... but not enough to actually DO anything about it. I gathered a bunch of fabric over the years and as I came across it (invariably when I was looking for something else in the closet where it was stashed) I would look at it wistfully and think "someday I am going to do it". Well, time marched on and I never did anything ... I did get rid of most of it in a Salvation Army giveaway bag of clothes and kept only one beautiful sunflower print ... SO, now "someday" is here. I am finally going to do it and I have been scouring the 'net to find the perfect first time project that will both challenge and not frustrate me. I used to sew but was never really into it, mostly as a means to an end, placemats, napkins, even a quilted fabric coat, but my interest and attention to it was sporadic.

So, the sewing machine has been dusted off, the space in the upstairs guest room (actually the cats have commandeered it for their room up until now) is getting cleaned out and my darling has washed and measured the walls for shelving prior to starting on his contribution, a sewing/cutting/quilting table. I am going to paint the wall facing the machine a bright, inspirational color and I think I found the pattern I want ... simple blocks or blocks and rails. The very first quilt I ever remember was at a lake house in New Hampshire where we used to go every summer as a family. All of the beds were covered in what I remember as simple block quilts that were backed with wool (like old Army blankets) and I found them whimsical as well as practical. I found a few quilt blogs to follow for tips and I think the few books and magazine articles/patterns I have devoured will be enough to get me started.

Now, if I can only figure out how to post pictures here, I can show my progress. Hmmm, looks like I will be surfing around a bit online for that too. Later ... going to the gym first.

Well, the first coat of pretty yellow paint is on and the brackets for the shelves attached to the wall ... the cleaning up part is in progress but for now, it's all cluttered in one side of the room. I did clean out the cabinet that I will use for quilting supplies and that needs paint too but at least I can start putting supplies inside. Lulu and Sox keep running in and out, trying to figure out why we are spending so much time in "their" room.

Brunch with Mother

I am doing this ... two days in a row, yea, me!

Up early again ... after 2 cups of coffee, I was ready to try the pina colada muffin recipe I found, trying to recreate the yummy ones we buy @ the local grocery. I forgot to add a little coconut to the top and I think it needs banana as well as pineapple and coconut, so it needs revision but not bad for a first attempt. Also I think real rum instead of rum extract would help ... oh, and forgot I was going to put some nutmeg in too because I think it helps flavors "pop". My love is a real sweet eater so I know he'll be glad to hear that I have to try them again. :)

Then I was off to visit Mom & take her to brunch at the country club ... we had gift certificates to use so it was like eating for free, something we love to do. Lots of choices between breakfast and lunch entrees and we sampled almost all ... that woman can EAT! She had 6 desserts! Came back to her house where she needed help putting together a Christmas present and then I drove home to catch the end of a very lopsided Pats victory against the Dolphins (38-7). Caught the press conference with the coach, quarterback, nose tackle and running back (who reached a season high of 1,000 yards! woo hoo!) ... they all drank the Belichik KoolAid, but who cares when they are playing at such a high level?

Tomorrow we start cleaning out the extra bedroom upstairs in preparation for making a sewing/quilting area for me ... I am psyched! My darling is making me a sewing/cutting table that will make my first quilting project so much easier! I am even going to paint the walls ... either pineapple passion or another bright and cheery color.

Another lovely day ... little anxiety, some concentration problems driving but all in all feeling better.

Happy New Year!!

An online acquaintance suggested something today that I think is just the thing for me ... starting THIS year keep track of the good that happens every day. So, once again, I am determined to begin my journal ... there is no good reason NOT to do this as I am on the computer most every day. In an effort to do this faithfully, I am going to make this my start page ... why I didn't think of this before, I dunno but here I am on the first day of the new year with a renewed commitment to do it.

Today was a wonderful day ... bright and sunny, in the 50's ... started the day with coffee and dessert left over from last night's NYE dinner shared with my love. Went to the gym and worked out HARD, legs and back mostly, some tai chi and stretching, felt like I DID something for my body and that always makes me feel better. Home to a yummy smoothie full of blueberries, banana and strawberry yogurt that also was a positive healthy way to start the year.

Home to watch the Tournament of Roses parade and then off to the store to get some groceries before watching lots of football in between making one of my favorite dishes, Hachis Parmentier. All in all, the first day of the year, delightful!

Write what you know

I just read that on a website about how everyone has a book in them. So, I started thinking about what I know. Nursing has to be the top of the list ... working full time 32+ years as a nurse in varied settings and locales has been my major focus. But, the list of interests and skills I have attained outside of nursing is equally important to me and those have changed over the years.

One thing that has remained constant over most of my adult life is my love of home cooking. Experimenting in the kitchen with whatever ingredients are local, fresh & in season or just something that I read about will set me off on a cooking frenzy. Of course, living in New England tends to center my choices around the seasons. I sometimes yearn to be in the San Diego area, where I lived for a few years in the '80s, with the best veggies and fruits: multiple growing seasons; truly a fresh ingredient treasure trove of a location. But, I am a New Englander by heart, so here I am to stay. I do love to travel but I just can't imagine living too far from the ocean and all that I know and love that is here.

I started thinking about my love of cooking and how nursing and cooking are similar ... in nursing you have the basic principles and as long as you abide by those, you can be creative in your approach, much the same way I proceed in building a dish from something I read or just a craving. Over the years, at various times, while sharing kitchen space with others, I noticed my way of cooking/creating to be different than others. I am a "recipe is a guide" kind of gal compared to many who measure, read every word in a recipe and follow to the letter. I tend to substitute based on what I have on hand, what I like or what I have learned from previous concoctions. I'm not afraid to fail, I learn from those attempts that don't work out and I have a willing taster living with me so that makes it easier. I will try to re-create great dishes I have had at restaurants after asking for hints or actual recipes from the chef. I have found at least half the time, they will be happy to give some tips. There is a wonderful restaurant we frequent in the city that is very glad to explain their techniques and although I don't walk away with every recipe, I get enough information to make my own version.

So, what else do I know?
A pretty good understanding of tai chi, although I have a long way to go before I can call myself a seasoned practitioner (that takes practice, lol!); passable French and Spanish (can understand a lot more than speak & I have an affinity for language); pretty good at calligraphy (again, when I practice!); stamina for bicycling 40+ miles at a whack; beginning knowledge of percussion (through observation, just started studying djembe and living w/a conga player); pretty good understanding of many cultures having traveled and read extensively because I am interested in people of all different types - NOW, that being said, I understand that I do not know what it's like to live inside a person, but my years of interviewing and caring for people of various backgrounds has had its advantages in this area; gardening is also a passion, nowhere near an expert, but learning and growing with each season; a passable knowledge of home repair, thanks to my home repair expert partner; I am a decent amateur photographer; I have become adept at thinking green with a compost box and a freezer full of scraps that I make into stocks and stews and I think I have pretty good business sense having run a small business for years (I stepped back to middle management, I like that better).

So, the question remains, how do I put what I know to use in writing a book? Do I even want to write a book? Does my voice lend itself to commerce? Questions to ponder as I wait for the apple cake to cool ...

ARRGGHHH ... has it been THAT long?

So, 15 months ago I started what I thought would be at the very least a weekly journal ... and here I am finally back, embarrassed. Oh well, no time like the present, eh?

LOTS of changes personally in that time period ... that's my excuse. Now, laid up w/a severely sprained ankle sustained on Sunday night of the Memorial Day weekend holiday, I have no excuse for not getting back to it.

So, the potential novel ... when I wrote a technical manuscript it helped to write an outline of what we wanted to include so maybe that would be helpful in crafting the novel. But I get blocked every time I even attempt to do that. So, screw that ... I'm going back to my original premise here, write a journal and get in the habit so maybe, just maybe, I will get the inspiration.

It occurs to me that writing always seemed a self indulgent exercise, maybe that's why it's tough for me. I tend to be a caretaker of others, rather than introspective or self indulgent. And I am very critical of my own words, constantly re-writing to get the "correct" wording or perspective. I want to be like those who seem to have the gift of literary gab naturally but I am too editorial of myself. Hmm, how to break that cycle? Ok, so I just went back and re-wrote the last passage twice ... maybe this is what I should be doing, re-writing as I go along OR should I just let it spew out and edit later? See, this is it, the fear of leaving drivel on the page, that cripples my creativity. Maybe I have NO creativity ... maybe that's the issue. I know I have certainly thought that of myself for quite some time. But, G doesn't think so and he tries to make me stretch my boundaries in that whenever the opportunity arises.

Ok, now I know one thing is true ... I cannot go back and re-read, I just have to keep it flowing. Because when I do go back, I see just a mish mash and it's not pretty but that is not important. I need to test my depth of concentration and creativity.

So, I am reading this novel now that tests the limits of imagination ... a town in 21st century West Virginia is basically severed from its roots and transplanted (by some unknown force/entity) into 17th century Germany during the 30 years war. It's fascinating and filled with conflicting characters that forge a society unlike, but also like, something many in this day and age would understand. After all, we all know people who seem transported from another time and place here, don't we? One of the things I like so much about this series (the book I am reading is the second in the series of a few, not sure how many) is that I need a dictionary to look up all the words I don't know and I know a lot of words. It's filled with adjectives like obstreperous and doughty, I love it! Just for the record, I use obstreperous myself, but doughty and not a few others were new to me. I guess I should have kept track, and I will as I go on, but I have learned quite a few new terms. The author(s) use the words well ... it occurs to me that I must check to see if there is a pattern, as I suspect, because that's what I notice, being a synesthete.

Synesthesia originates from ancient Greek ... literally, it means together and sensation and refers to people who associate color or spatial characteristics to letters and/or numbers (This explanation is from wikipedia: "In spatial-sequence, or number form synesthesia, numbers, months of the year, and/or days of the week elicit precise locations in space (for example, 1980 may be "farther away" than 1990), or may have a [three-dimensional] view of a year as a map [clockwise or counterclockwise].). Mine tends to be number related, but I also notice that I have a tendency to relate patterns to words both written and spoken, hence, I remember pretty much everything someone tells me in conversation, spelling is excellent and I have a good memory of the written word. My vbf and I figured out a couple years ago that we share the number form of synesthesia ... we found it pretty funny that after 45 years of friendship we just realized that b/c we thought we knew pretty much "everything" about each other! You know, the person you can never fool or be estranged from for very long, for that matter b/c she knows TOO much?! LOL!!!

Enough of a start for today ... lots to do before the appt I have today to check the progress of my ankle sprain. Later ....

Kung Hai Fat Choy

Congratulations and be prosperous in this new year ... yep, I was inspired by the Chinese New Year today to start my blog.
Why a blog?
Well, why not blog? Everyone seems to be doing it and I have read over and over in stories about writers that they journal regularly, to put their thoughts down, for future stories and keep up the habit of writing.
So, if I am going to ever get that book done in collaboration w/my vbf, I'd best get a move on and start writing.
It occurs to me that I don't have any idea who can or will read my musings ... I assume that people have to find this obscurely titled and not easily categorized collection of words and be interested enough to get past the first few scribbled (so to speak) entries to figure out whether it's worth their time to read someone who is just using this tool to practice literary work.
I don't even know if that last sentence made sense ... oh well, I will keep on plugging as the days go by and see what pops up.
I recall the only time I seriously attempted to complete an assignment of creative writing was in college. It was freshman year, I think and the assignment was to sit somewhere for a prescribed period of time and write about my observations. I took to my dorm room and wrote about all I heard and it was pretty enlightening to me ... I heard airplanes droning overhead, dorm neighbor conversations and comings and goings that I never paid attention to before that. I saw the sky differently and felt my bed and alternately, the hard chair underneath me for the first time. I thought what a great thing this writing was ... but then I went back to my obsession with science and my nursing studies and the rest of the writing I did was certainly not creative unless I didn't know the answer to a narrative question on an exam, sometimes I tried a little creative BS to mask my lack of knowledge.
So, when my friend and I had the great idea that we could write a novel just as sure as all those other writers who never wrote before but had an inspiration, I had to sit down and start the process. But I had NO idea how to put thoughts to screen (we don't put pen to paper anymore even tho' that sounds much more romantic) and I ended up with writer's block before I even could remotely consider myself a writer.
We have a great idea, a story about 2 women who have been friends forever but went off in totally different directions after high school graduation (I wanted to say divergent but kept misspelling, now I got it right but it didn't sound right in the sentence so I am leaving it here to remind me how to spell it) and periodically come back together to "save" the other in some crisis or another that occurs. These women are both strong and smart and make decisions about where to go and what to do about the various situations they encounter in life, sometimes consulting each other but usually not, although they always have each other as best friends even if they are miles apart in thoughts and deeds. Each knows the other is always there, part of her and part of why the individual is stronger, because each has the best interests of the other in the back of her mind and always seem to know when and how to show it.
It's to be a story of love and struggle in good and bad times but always about friendship, the bond between women that they only realize as their experiences grow over the years. They come to recognize how powerful and necessary it is to have that bond with each other and various women over the years.
It's to be a story whereby the women "know" that no one gets them like they get each other.
We both think it's such a good premise and my vbf has actually written some chapters ... I am lagging behind and I WANT to do it. But life seems to get in the way.
We got the brilliant idea, btw, during a week at the beach house and we had a lot of good ideas penned the first day. My mother even got into it, suggesting some twists and turns. She even asks periodically and I do admit it's me that hasn't kept up.
But now, finally, I think I have found a way to get going.
I will come here and begin the thinking and writing process and do my best to get the ideas out.
My boyfriend is a wonderful writer, if he can do it, I know I can too.
I know I can do the editing and rewriting once I get the ideas down. I did it for a technical writing project in the past. I organized the whole damn chapter of a book with 3 other writers and got published.
It's not the writing, it's that I always want it to be right so I keep editing it.
Actually it IS the writing, I am too damn wordy and can't seem to write my thoughts.
So, here I am writing my thoughts.

The hardest 2 steps are those out the door ... Joan Benoit Samuelson said something like that about her marathon training.

So, here I go ... first steps

Wish me luck