Synesthesia and me

Well, to start off ... just before I clicked here to blog I thought I'm going about this writing thing the wrong way. I am thinking of it as a chore to accomplish, even though I WANT to improve my writing, I have been looking at it as something I HAVE TO DO so in my head I think "I don't have time right now because there are other things I have to do more urgently" but really I just need to do what I can, when I can and leave it at that. Now, I don't know why this became clear today but it is a freeing thought!

Even tho' today is gorgeous and we just got back from a wonderful walk on the rail trail, just like the past few days I have been more and more aware of growing uneasiness, even sadness as the summer days' numbers dwindle in my head ... they do actually appear in my head automatically and involuntarily whenever I think of the day or the date. I am one of those people blessed with spatial-sequence synesthesia* so each day of the week, week of the month, month of the year, year of the century actually appears in my brain as a visual object. This also occurs with numbers and letters as well ... they all have a spatial pattern in my head. This phenomenon is actually quite beneficial to my life the majority of the time but I am realizing this year for the first time that since I am unfortunate enough to have SAD (seasonal affective disorder) ... I am more acutely aware of the "closing in" of autumn, then winter because it appears automatically and involuntarily in my mind's eye.

So, what do I do about this? Go back on antidepressants? I just stopped them after 18 months because I thought  I wanted to try living drug free in the summer - my best time of year. But I feel it closing in on me and I want to nip it in the bud. So, I am thinking LOTS of exercise - tai chi, couch to 5k like program, gym with weights and maybe we can swing a winter sunny vacay ... that's kind of a dream this year since I cut down work hours but who knows, we may be able to swing it if we choose carefully.

*From Wikipedia: In spatial-sequence (SSS), or number form synesthesia, numbers, months of the year, and/or days of the week elicit precise locations in space (for example, 1980 may be "farther away" than 1990), or may have a (three-dimensional) view of a year as a map (clockwise or counterclockwise). A new study shows that those with SSS have superior memories. They were able to recall past events and memories far better, and in far greater detail than those without the condition.

So, I guess I kinda lost the motivation to finish this post ... oh well, if at first you don't succeed, we all know what to do about it.