I Love Baseball

I'm sick of the Cardinals (and the Giants as well, truth be told) but dammit, they keep winning. The Cards won their division series earlier and the Nats pitcher just walked in a run in their elimination game against the Giants ... luckily it's only the second inning and the team can recover if he can straighten out and pitch right.
I love baseball and even though my team is out of the playoffs, I can still appreciate a good game.
Soon it will all be over and we will be reduced to watching our team only once a week ... thank goodness the Pats have improved to the level that we aren't fighting angina while we watch. And the Celts won their first pre-season game, Rajon Rondo is reportedly coming back soon, so we may be able to watch them as well.

But my heart is really with the Boys of Spring and Summer ...

Inspiration where you find it

So, I am newly inspired to write by my friend Ed ... he has started a journal and maybe we can cheer each other on to keep it up.

I am thinking that mornings might be the best time for me ... when I am using my light box to avoid the SAD symptoms. It could work out that I can do two things at once ... which always makes me feel more productive. I haven't done much here with my own blog over the years. I think it's mostly because I am not an indoor type of person ... unless it's the dead of winter when I want to just snuggle up and read, sew, create in the kitchen or hibernate in bed.

I have been contemplating a big change in my life ... OUR lives (so far G hasn't protested too much, but we shall see) within the next three years. I believe I need to relocate to a locale on the east coast where there is more sun and a milder winter. Recently I have been checking out the Carolinas for two reasons. One, we can probably afford a home in those areas, even near the coast and two, it seems we could enjoy a longer planting season, which we both love so much. It's such fun to to plant and watch the growth of veggies, flowers and herbs that we would love to branch out into fruits and more. Just thinking about it and dreaming of the potential is a good way to distract me from facing the upcoming winter months.

This year I have my bff's daughter's shower and wedding to look forward to so that is helping as the fall approaches. Now, to plan a mid winter getaway ... next distraction to get me through the tough times.

Dream or Lesson?

I just woke up from a dream and it seems I'm supposed to remember this one. I was sitting somewhere like a porch of a country store or a bus station, talking to two guys. They were young and sort of dream like in their conversation. The one I was most attracted to, Ted, was telling me he bet on hoops (or something like that) and he was drinking a beer and I just liked his way and his smile but for some reason the conversation ended, maybe I had to catch the train or the bus or I just had to be somewhere.

So, as dreams go, I was next at a hospital where the previous director of nursing was there with her daughter who was caring for her as she was supposedly a dottering old woman but actually although she didn't keep very good balance, she was agile and wise and fun. There was a funeral for someone in the community and everyone was so ebulliant about this person I was sorry I never met him or her (can't remember). I know I was going to have an interview at this hospital the next day at 0800 but I realized I just had to find go back and find Ted (the guy I met w/his friend) so I went on my quest.

I got to his house where he lived with his parents and 4 other little kids who delighted in showing me their flying animal toys that attacked you ... but didn't really hurt. His mother was delightful and invited me to play tennis. I kept leaving my pocketbook unattended but I wasn't fearful that someone would take it for some reason. Next I remember going to Ted's friend's house to see if he was there but only the guy's mother was home (although I didn't know because I just walked in and started wandering around) and I used some of her beauty products. Next I remember a huge wedding was occurring at this house and all the particpants were sitting around individual tables during the reception looking at gems and jewelry for sale.

I decided I better get back to my quest to find Ted and left, leaving my pocketbook behind. As I approached Ted's house again, I saw him and he had the most perfect smile when he finally recognized it was me and I was looking for him. We went into his house and even tho' I knew I was blowing off the job interview and had no prospects for the future, I knew I was doing the right thing for me. His parents, altho' disappointed in their drifter son, loved him and so by association, loved me immediately. His dad took me on a tour of the area and when we got back to the house, we passed Ted with a wheeled wagon filled with his most prized possessions including a musical instrument, a huge dog and some other stuff coming down the road to meet me. I suddenly realized I forgot my pocketbook but soon some good samaritan brought it to me and nothing was missing.

I woke up feeling like I had been in a cool, fun indie movie that teaches us there are some people we are just attracted to and it is right to follow that instinct rather than take the safe course because we will see and learn and enjoy along the way. :)

Winter again, yuck!

You'd never know I was one of those perpetually happy people that goes around saying "the weather is the weather, you can't do anything about it" when others complain of rain, snow, heat or cold. When it gets to be this time of year, ugh, I get sluggy and unmotivated. I forced myself to go to tai chi last night even tho' all I wanted to do was snuggle up at home and read my book. SO, what do I do when I feel this way? Just what I did last night, I FORCE myself to move, to create, to think action. It usually works well and I get out of the funk for at least a little bit.

So, today I am forcing myself to write, then I will force myself to get upstairs and finish binding my quilt, finish the placemats I started and make the table runner that will compliment those placemats. This afternoon I will force myself to go to the free brown bag concert at beautiful Mechanics Hall with George and tonight I will force myself to go to the African drumming class at the African Art Museum in Clinton with G as well. We attended their anniversary celebration last week and it was a delightful evening spent viewing the art, listening to the amazing music and sampling the delicious food. I know I will enjoy all of these things once I force myself to step out the door.

It's going to be a long winter when I feel this way already in November without a warm sunny climate vacation in sight - well, not until the girls week in Florida but that's not until far away April :-(.

So, I just have to keep reminding myself I CAN do this, I CAN get through it ... and keep dreaming of Spring and planting and sunshine. I will NOT let this get me down even tho' I keep seeing those dark and shortened months in my head looming ahead like an obstacle to be tackled. I try not to wish away the time but it seems the only way to get through it ... wishing for the best time of year ... oh well, positive thoughts.

Synesthesia and me

Well, to start off ... just before I clicked here to blog I thought I'm going about this writing thing the wrong way. I am thinking of it as a chore to accomplish, even though I WANT to improve my writing, I have been looking at it as something I HAVE TO DO so in my head I think "I don't have time right now because there are other things I have to do more urgently" but really I just need to do what I can, when I can and leave it at that. Now, I don't know why this became clear today but it is a freeing thought!

Even tho' today is gorgeous and we just got back from a wonderful walk on the rail trail, just like the past few days I have been more and more aware of growing uneasiness, even sadness as the summer days' numbers dwindle in my head ... they do actually appear in my head automatically and involuntarily whenever I think of the day or the date. I am one of those people blessed with spatial-sequence synesthesia* so each day of the week, week of the month, month of the year, year of the century actually appears in my brain as a visual object. This also occurs with numbers and letters as well ... they all have a spatial pattern in my head. This phenomenon is actually quite beneficial to my life the majority of the time but I am realizing this year for the first time that since I am unfortunate enough to have SAD (seasonal affective disorder) ... I am more acutely aware of the "closing in" of autumn, then winter because it appears automatically and involuntarily in my mind's eye.

So, what do I do about this? Go back on antidepressants? I just stopped them after 18 months because I thought  I wanted to try living drug free in the summer - my best time of year. But I feel it closing in on me and I want to nip it in the bud. So, I am thinking LOTS of exercise - tai chi, couch to 5k like program, gym with weights and maybe we can swing a winter sunny vacay ... that's kind of a dream this year since I cut down work hours but who knows, we may be able to swing it if we choose carefully.

*From Wikipedia: In spatial-sequence (SSS), or number form synesthesia, numbers, months of the year, and/or days of the week elicit precise locations in space (for example, 1980 may be "farther away" than 1990), or may have a (three-dimensional) view of a year as a map (clockwise or counterclockwise). A new study shows that those with SSS have superior memories. They were able to recall past events and memories far better, and in far greater detail than those without the condition.

So, I guess I kinda lost the motivation to finish this post ... oh well, if at first you don't succeed, we all know what to do about it. 

Writing again

So, my new year's resolution of ACK! 1+ years ago ... to write every day has obviously gone astray.

I don't know why ... I guess life got in the way, but we can all use that excuse. I've not been disciplined about writing, that's all.

So, today I begin a less ambitious goal ... to write as much as I can while still living life. If this venture is successful, I will give credit to Colson Whitehead whose article in the NYTimes on 26 July made me laugh & think "yeah, I can do that". His irreverent descriptions of HOW to do it spoke to me ... I like wacky how to's, they make me think of inventing recipes with whatever's at hand. And I do that so easily, why can't I use that same creative bent to actually put on the screen what's percolating there in my head?

About 9 months  ago we went to a flamenco wine dinner during which I thought "this would make a good story" ... the two young couples seated with us at the table were strangers to us (and each other) & couldn't have been more different from each other in their interaction. A juicy disagreement between the couple just to my left was audible to many (including during the flamenco performance, which visibly did not sit well with the dancer) and I had all I could do to keep from saying (to the woman with the loser bf) "just dump the schmuck". The other patrons were equally interesting in a "I could describe their lives & how they got here tonight" sort of way. The flamenco dancer, from her Boston accent, to her mesmerizing performance, to her lofty ambitions was a story waiting to be written. Then there was the food ... oh how I wish I kept that list to somehow weave it into the telling of the night's happenings. I even wrote some notes (at my boyfriend's insistence) because I somehow got it into my head that I WOULD start writing. I found the notes sometime later & although I think I saved them somewhere (?!?) they could have been tossed out in one of my "I'm not keeping every little scrap of paper thinking I am going to do something with it" moods.
My bf writes and although I encourage him to put more detail in his stories, I think my problem is I want to put TOO much detail in ... it's what I do when I tell a verbal story, relate a recipe to others or even just think through an idea in my head. I feel like my brain is too full of details! So when Colson Whitehead said: "Rule No. 4: Never use three words when one will do. Be concise. Don’t fall in love with the gentle trilling of your mellifluous sentences." I thought yep, that's me! And ya know what? It's probably what STOPS me from writing ... and other noble pursuits. Because it seems too much effort to write down everything I think about ... it's part of why I LOVE this new website I found. It's called "key ingredient" and it has a cookmark which is a tool that allows you to copy & save recipes from the web, putting them in recipe format. So you can have a whole cookbook online that's in easy readable format, you can even add pics. It's so darn cool for us recipe-philes.


Ok, so we are going to go to the Maine coast this week ... I have a few days off & while there are a few items on the list to see, we are going to wing it mostly. LLBean is one, Old Orchard Beach is another & we are going to visit my bf's best friend somewhere along the line before ending up at a pow wow in North Conway. Geesh, pow wow's certainly give me lots of images & story lines. I always end up leaving them peaceful & with a sense that we rarely know people until we talk to them. Mostly b/c the outfits you see at the pow wow give you an impression of a person that doesn't necessarily give the whole picture of the person. It's hard to describe ... it's as if they have a public persona there in that arena which carries into their life outside a pow wow but you wouldn't know it if you passed them on the street. Truth be told, that is part of what intrigues me about people in general ... you cannot tell much about a person by just looking at them. One never knows what people are dealing with, have dealt with, what they have weighing on them at any given moment which causes them to do or say what they do, it's very interesting to me.


Ok, enough babbling for today ... this stream of consciousness just reminded me of the story my bff & I planned to write. We actually began an outline toward that end over 4 years ago. It all started with a dead body. But that's a story for another day. I'll do what Colson Whitehead suggested "Try to keep all the good stuff off the page. "

I guess I've been too busy ...

Four days since my last post ... hmmm, trying to remember what all transpired.
Ok, on Saturday the 8th we went to tai chi in the morning and it was great workout. Our teacher informed us that we are studying some advanced level stuff now so it's about time we tested for the beginner level - ACK! The pressure of a written and demonstration test ... some of these concepts are hard for our western brains to wrap around but we will do our best. The off to the library where I searched for the author of "the first detective novel" that we heard about on NPR during our drive to tai chi ... I can't believe I still remember his name, Charles Felix - which was a pseudonom for Charles Warren Adams. Looking online it appears the book is not in print anymore but wiki has links to read it in its original (serial) form. I may just try that. Watched football most of afternoon and evening to see who would be the Pats opponent next week and it's the loathsome Jets - oh well, hopefully we have their number and can dispense with them soundly.

Sunday I went shopping, bought mom a beautiful outfit for her bday and together we finished the sewing room table including the contact paper, touch up painting and cleanup. We watched some of both of the football games and I made my mom's chicken pot pie recipe - it was delish, like being transported back to childhood.

Monday we decided to do a Powerflex workout at the gym which is 45 minutes of straight exercise using all major muscles of the body ... ugh, it was a toughie! Then we went sewing machine shopping and my love bought me the most wonderful machine to start my quilting career. It's a Janome w/50 stitches and all the options are dancing in my head! We talked about my first project and he had an outstanding idea to make roman shades for the living room. I went online and found several tutorials ... going to make 'em and I know we'll be happy when the LR looks more cozy. We had a HUGE meal at IHop that filled us up most of the day. Leftover chicken pot pie for supper and the BCS championship - we only watched a little of that, too tired to stay up.

Tuesday morning all the talk on tv and radio is about the pending storm which is supposed to start late night. I drove to mum's and we went for our traditional free (for the bday girl) birthday lunch at Not Your Average Joes ... as usual it was superb. I had their famously tasty meatloaf and mum had the salmon. And of course we had the Peanut Butter Thing for free dessert ... I brought my leftovers back home for my honey. Went back to her house where she opened presents and we shared our thoughts on the Gee's Bend quilt book. Drove home later and stopped at craft store and Staples to get the last of the supplies needed to start sewing ... got a drafting chair that my darling put together and it will work PERFECT. Later, when I got home I realized I forgot to buy thread, DUH!

Now, it's Wednesday morning and by 8:30 we have a foot and a half of light fluffy (thank goodness) snow. I made pumpkin/coconut/walnut muffins and bread first thing ... came out pretty good. We shoveled a bunch but decided to wait until later to finish ... it's a LOTTA snow!

Now, this morning it's