ARRGGHHH ... has it been THAT long?

So, 15 months ago I started what I thought would be at the very least a weekly journal ... and here I am finally back, embarrassed. Oh well, no time like the present, eh?

LOTS of changes personally in that time period ... that's my excuse. Now, laid up w/a severely sprained ankle sustained on Sunday night of the Memorial Day weekend holiday, I have no excuse for not getting back to it.

So, the potential novel ... when I wrote a technical manuscript it helped to write an outline of what we wanted to include so maybe that would be helpful in crafting the novel. But I get blocked every time I even attempt to do that. So, screw that ... I'm going back to my original premise here, write a journal and get in the habit so maybe, just maybe, I will get the inspiration.

It occurs to me that writing always seemed a self indulgent exercise, maybe that's why it's tough for me. I tend to be a caretaker of others, rather than introspective or self indulgent. And I am very critical of my own words, constantly re-writing to get the "correct" wording or perspective. I want to be like those who seem to have the gift of literary gab naturally but I am too editorial of myself. Hmm, how to break that cycle? Ok, so I just went back and re-wrote the last passage twice ... maybe this is what I should be doing, re-writing as I go along OR should I just let it spew out and edit later? See, this is it, the fear of leaving drivel on the page, that cripples my creativity. Maybe I have NO creativity ... maybe that's the issue. I know I have certainly thought that of myself for quite some time. But, G doesn't think so and he tries to make me stretch my boundaries in that whenever the opportunity arises.

Ok, now I know one thing is true ... I cannot go back and re-read, I just have to keep it flowing. Because when I do go back, I see just a mish mash and it's not pretty but that is not important. I need to test my depth of concentration and creativity.

So, I am reading this novel now that tests the limits of imagination ... a town in 21st century West Virginia is basically severed from its roots and transplanted (by some unknown force/entity) into 17th century Germany during the 30 years war. It's fascinating and filled with conflicting characters that forge a society unlike, but also like, something many in this day and age would understand. After all, we all know people who seem transported from another time and place here, don't we? One of the things I like so much about this series (the book I am reading is the second in the series of a few, not sure how many) is that I need a dictionary to look up all the words I don't know and I know a lot of words. It's filled with adjectives like obstreperous and doughty, I love it! Just for the record, I use obstreperous myself, but doughty and not a few others were new to me. I guess I should have kept track, and I will as I go on, but I have learned quite a few new terms. The author(s) use the words well ... it occurs to me that I must check to see if there is a pattern, as I suspect, because that's what I notice, being a synesthete.

Synesthesia originates from ancient Greek ... literally, it means together and sensation and refers to people who associate color or spatial characteristics to letters and/or numbers (This explanation is from wikipedia: "In spatial-sequence, or number form synesthesia, numbers, months of the year, and/or days of the week elicit precise locations in space (for example, 1980 may be "farther away" than 1990), or may have a [three-dimensional] view of a year as a map [clockwise or counterclockwise].). Mine tends to be number related, but I also notice that I have a tendency to relate patterns to words both written and spoken, hence, I remember pretty much everything someone tells me in conversation, spelling is excellent and I have a good memory of the written word. My vbf and I figured out a couple years ago that we share the number form of synesthesia ... we found it pretty funny that after 45 years of friendship we just realized that b/c we thought we knew pretty much "everything" about each other! You know, the person you can never fool or be estranged from for very long, for that matter b/c she knows TOO much?! LOL!!!

Enough of a start for today ... lots to do before the appt I have today to check the progress of my ankle sprain. Later ....